“Back in high school, a couple buddies and I skipped school to go watch The Matrix. When we got to the theater, we decided to smoke a joint to intensify the movie. So there we are, behind the theater, getting high. I sparked a cigarette just as the joint was finished, when a security guard opened the back door and yelled “Hey! What are you kids doing?” My friend immediately dropped the joint and put his foot over it. We all froze, too scared to respond, heads staring at the ground. He asked again what we were doing, and none of us said a word. He finally asked “…do you kids speak English?” Immediately, our eyes all lifted to each other and smirked. “Oh noo meester pour-eese no engrish! Speakuh engrish no! Cigar! Cigarette smoking!” He was dumbfounded and went back inside. I love being asian.
One of my friends sent me the above from a posting on College Humor called “I Fought the Law: Issue #6.” He asked if I had ever done such a thing and the honest truth is that I never have. I know I would just bust out laughing if I tried to avoid a conversation with someone by trying to speak Korean. I mean, I only know a few words, so it’s not like I can keep repeating those words. Plus, I’m always afraid the person I do that too will actually know Korean and then I’d be out of luck like in the film, Inglorious Basterds.
I’m pretty sure I’ll be traveling back to the Homeland this summer. I have the biggest fear of everyone trying to talk to me, since I will actually fit in with the everyday person look. I just Google Translated, “I do not speak Korean.”
Guess I better start brushing upbecause that phrase alone will take me a good while to master…